First thing’s first: gender identity is different from biological sex. Your sex has to do with your physiology. On the other hand, gender is a social construct that exists on a spectrum of masculinity on one end and femininity on the other. You might identify as strictly one or the other, somewhere in between, or even as neither at all!
Cisgender people’s gender identity aligns with their sex, while transgender people’s gender identity doesn’t match their sex. Trans people may identify as a man or a woman, but they can also identify as non-binary or gender-diverse, meaning their gender lies between or outside of masculinity or femininity.
Your gender identity is an important part of who you are. It can be fluid and change throughout your life or stay the same. The good news is that there has never been a better time to explore what your gender identity means to you!
With so many resources available, connecting with your gender expression doesn’t have to be a nebulous process. Here are just a few ways you can begin engaging with and shaping your gender identity.
Express yourself
The first step is to make sure the way you present yourself and express yourself is in alignment with how you feel inside. For most people, identifying as queer is a good way to begin, as is experimenting with different schools of fashion to see what aesthetics best fit your personality and the way you see yourself.
You can start transforming your wardrobe by shopping at non-binary and trans-friendly clothing stores. Shop for basics like chest binders or tucking gaffs at a gender affirming underwear store, and perhaps even experiment with make-up. Items like binders and packing underwear will make you look more masculine, while bras and gaffs will create a more womanly silhouette. Boxier clothes tend to look more boyish, clothes that emphasise your waist are more feminine, and a combination of the two styles screams androgyny.
Self-expression is a powerful tool on your journey to self-discovery, and the building blocks of self-expression for all of us is finding the best way to armour ourselves.
It’s important to keep in mind, however, that even if you find the right armour, it’s normal to still feel a little detached as you transition from your mask to your authentic self. In fact, if your gender identity doesn’t align with the sex you were assigned at birth, you may feel uncomfortable in your body. This feeling is called gender dysphoria.
You can help alleviate gender dysphoria through self-expression. Self-expression is how we show the world how we feel on the inside. One way we express our gender identity is through how we look, such as through the clothes we wear or the hairstyles we choose. That’s why clothes are a great place to start.
But always remember that your gender identity is yours and yours alone – how you see yourself can evolve from your aesthetics and veer more towards more internal elements, like your values. So let yourself evolve – inside and out. No matter what you wear or how you look, who you are is valid, and you should be proud to be you!
Find your community
Once you find your armour, it’s time to find your people. Meeting people who share your unique experience can help you feel understood and accepted. Seeing parts of yourself in other people can help you feel more confident in your own skin.
If you feel safe doing so, joining or starting a group for gender-diverse kids at your school will connect you to people on the same journey as you. When you talk to people who understand your identity, you open yourself up to new perspectives that may help you learn more about yourself. Finding the right communities can also help combat any feelings of gender dysphoria or even any perceived gender inequality you may experience on this journey of self-discovery.
If you can’t find a group IRL, don’t worry! The internet is a magical tool that connects us to communities where we feel we belong. Many virtual communities provide advice, information, and resources for trans and non-binary young people and their families. Websites also often link to events, groups, or forums that are safe spaces to meet and build friendships with other trans and gender-diverse people in your area.
Your community, on or offline, will play a massive role in your exploration of who you are. They will always be there to support you and cheer you on as you connect with your gender identity. So express yourself online and be open to making connections with other like-minded queer peers.
Explore your feelings
Journalling is an easy way to embark upon your gender identity journey. Take out your journal every night and describe how you felt throughout the day. Maybe you felt especially happy when someone used your correct pronouns, or you realised you felt uncomfortable in your clothes.
Getting your feelings out of your head and onto a page can help you clarify your thoughts and determine what you want. But if journalling isn’t your thing, simply setting aside time to reflect on your journey will have a similar effect.
Once you have an idea of what’s working and what’s not, don’t be afraid to experiment with different expressions of your gender identity. You may find you don’t like shaving your legs, but you feel beautiful with make-up. There are endless ways to be yourself, so don’t pressure yourself to get it right on the first try!
Most importantly, remember that there are mental health professionals who will provide a safe place for you to explore your feelings in a structured environment. If you start to feel overwhelmed or depressed while on this journey, it’s crucial to remember that there are people who can guide you.
Stay on your path
Finally, the best piece of advice we can give you is that connecting with your gender identity is a deeply personal journey. It’s an exciting, empowering, and liberating process that will make you more at peace with yourself, but it’s important to keep in mind that an element of that liberation comes from maintaining your own autonomy.
You deserve to make your own decisions when it comes to how you express yourself. That way, you can love what you see in the mirror by owning it – whether that be changing your hair or shaping your body with gender-affirming undies. A community of people with shared experiences will support you along the way, but you should also take steps to ensure you’re doing what feels right to you.
Don’t forget – feeling overwhelmed or out of place as you navigate your identity is normal, and reaching out to a mental health professional if you need someone to talk to will get you back on track to becoming who you were always meant to be.