When your partner is struggling with depression, it can be hard to know what to say or how to help. You may feel helpless watching them withdraw, change, or lose interest in things they once loved. And while you’re not a therapist, your support does matter.
It’s not just sadness. It’s a medical condition that can impact mood, energy, sleep, appetite, and even self-worth. Fortunately, there are effective depression treatment options that can help your partner feel better over time. But emotional recovery is rarely quick. As someone who loves them, your role is to offer steady support without pushing too hard — or forgetting to care for yourself along the way.
Listen, don’t lecture
Start with empathy. When your partner shares how they feel, resist the urge to fix it or ‘cheer them up’. Saying things like “just think positive” or “it’s all in your head” can shut them down. Instead, offer simple validation.
Try phrases like:
- “That sounds really tough.”
- “I’m here for you.”
- “Do you want to talk about it or just sit together for a bit?”
Depression often makes people feel misunderstood. Showing that you’re present – even during silences – can be comforting in itself.
Learn about the illness
You don’t need a psychology degree, but a basic understanding of how depression works can change the way you see your partner’s behaviour. Their low energy, irritability, or lack of motivation aren’t personal – they’re symptoms. Knowing this helps you stay patient and avoid frustration.
There are many helpful resources from trusted health organisations. Even a quick read about depression treatment approaches — like therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes — can make you a more informed supporter.
Encourage treatment, gently
You can’t force someone into recovery, but you can encourage them to seek help. If your partner hasn’t started any form of depression treatment, bring it up gently. Mention that talking to a doctor or therapist might help them find some relief.
Frame it around care. Say something like, “You don’t have to go through this alone. I’ll support whatever step you want to take.”
Offer help in making appointments, finding providers, or even driving them to therapy sessions. Sometimes, the hardest part is getting started.
Be patient with their progress
Recovery isn’t linear. Some days will look better than others. And just because your partner laughs or seems okay doesn’t mean their depression is gone. Don’t expect quick fixes or constant improvement. Healing takes time.
Celebrate small wins. Getting out of bed, cooking a meal, or going for a walk might not seem like much — but for someone with depression, they’re signs of progress.
Set boundaries for yourself
Supporting someone with depression can take a toll. You might feel emotionally drained, especially if you’re constantly checking in, managing tasks, or feeling responsible for their wellbeing.
Set healthy boundaries. You’re not their therapist. Make space for your own life, too. Go for a walk, talk to a friend, or pursue a hobby you enjoy. Recharging is not selfish — it helps you be a more present partner. And if you ever feel overwhelmed, consider speaking with a counsellor yourself. It can be a safe place to process your emotions and find balance.
Watch for warning signs
Depression can sometimes lead to suicidal thoughts. While not every person with depression experiences this, it’s important to be aware. If your partner talks about feeling hopeless, mentions not wanting to live or shows signs of self-harm, take it seriously.
Encourage them to reach out to a mental health professional immediately. If they’re in danger, call emergency services or a local crisis line. You don’t have to manage this alone — there are trained people ready to help.
Keep showing up
Consistency matters. Your presence, even in quiet moments, can be more powerful than any pep talk. You may not be able to take their pain away. But by staying patient, informed and emotionally available, you’re doing something incredibly meaningful.
Remember, you’re not alone in this either. Support exists for both of you. Depression treatment works — and with time, care, and the right resources, things can get better.