Many women spend their lives trying to meet societal expectations of politeness, agreeableness and emotional availability. For autistic women, these pressures can take a particular toll, leading to “masking”.
Unlearning the “good girl” myth isn’t just about self-expression. It’s also crucial for mental health, authenticity and lasting wellbeing.
In this article, we explore what masking looks like, why it happens and practical ways to start shedding it.
Understanding the ‘good girl’ myth
From childhood through adulthood, women are often socialised to be agreeable, polite and emotionally accommodating. Society frequently rewards behaviours such as compliance, nurturing and conflict avoidance, while punishing assertiveness or deviation from the expected “feminine” script.
This pressure can feel like an invisible rulebook dictating how women should act, speak and even feel. For autistic women, these expectations can create a particularly heavy burden as they may instinctively behave or communicate differently. The resulting tension often leads to what is known as masking — a learned behaviour aimed at fitting in while suppressing natural tendencies.
What is masking in autistic women?
Masking is the conscious or unconscious effort to hide natural autistic traits to appear neurotypical. It can involve mimicking social behaviours, forcing eye contact or suppressing repetitive movements. Essentially, it’s a strategy for navigating social norms that feel foreign or inaccessible.
Is people-pleasing a form of masking? The answer is often yes. Continually prioritising others’ comfort over your own needs can be both a social survival tactic and a symptom of long-term masking. While this may ease immediate social interactions, it carries emotional and cognitive costs, such as exhaustion, anxiety and a diminished sense of self.
Why masking develops
Masking usually begins in childhood, often as a response to social feedback, peer pressure or explicit correction of autistic behaviours. For women, these pressures are amplified by societal gender norms that value politeness, agreeableness and emotional expressiveness above authenticity.
Autistic women may internalise these expectations, believing that their natural ways of thinking, moving or expressing emotion are “wrong” or undesirable. Over time, masking becomes an automatic coping mechanism, a way to reduce friction and gain acceptance — but at the cost of long-term mental and emotional wellbeing.
The mental health impact of masking autism
Long-term masking takes a significant toll on mental health.
Autistic women who mask frequently report heightened levels of anxiety, depression and burnout, as the effort to constantly suppress natural behaviours is mentally exhausting. Research shows that masking can contribute to delayed autism diagnoses, meaning many women go years without understanding why they feel “different” or overwhelmed.
The cumulative effects of masking can include identity confusion, low self-esteem and difficulty forming authentic connections. Recognising these impacts is the first step toward unlearning the patterns that have been reinforced for years.
Unlearning the ‘good girl’ myth
Breaking free from “good girl” expectations begins with self-awareness. Women can start by observing when they prioritise others’ comfort over their own needs or suppress their instincts to fit in. Building boundaries, practising assertiveness and connecting with supportive communities are practical steps toward reducing masking.
Many women also find empowerment through inclusive organisations that promote social inclusion and understanding of diverse abilities. Engaging with these communities provides validation and reinforces that authenticity is both possible and valuable.
The role of awareness and allies
Supportive environments play a key role in helping autistic women unmask. Friends, partners and workplaces can provide understanding by recognising natural differences and respecting boundaries. Without this, women may feel that they have to continue masking for the sake of keeping jobs or relationships alive.
Education and awareness about masking in autistic women enable allies to respond with patience and encouragement or even just a comforting weighted blanket to ease stress and anxiety, rather than judging. With a combination of internal reflection and external support, unmasking becomes a more achievable and sustainable journey.
Celebrating authenticity and self-acceptance
Reducing masking allows women to reclaim their energy, confidence and emotional freedom. Small, deliberate steps like setting boundaries, practising honest self-expression and seeking supportive networks can gradually dismantle the “good girl” expectations.
Authenticity tends to improve mental health, strengthen relationships and foster a deeper sense of self-worth. Every act of unmasking is a declaration that fitting in does not require sacrificing individuality. Over time, embracing true identity becomes a source of empowerment rather than anxiety.
Breaking free from the “good girl” myth is less about rebellion and more about reclaiming authenticity and wellbeing. While the journey may feel challenging, every small step toward self-acceptance affirms that authenticity matters more than approval. The path to unmasking is a bold, liberating and ultimately empowering act.
