Riaza Manricks.
Men are competitive, women are collaborative. At least, that’s the narrative that often comes up in workplaces that promote ‘women should support other women’. And I agree with it, wholeheartedly.
But it seems this conversation keeps circulating, and I’ve found myself wondering why? You only need to take a passing glance at shows like Married at First Sight to see that women can be…. well, not so kind to their fellow sisters. I’ve also experienced this in the workplace and sadly, so have many other women I know.
It’s the subtle one-upping, being left out, feeling compared, feeling like there’s only room for one of you. And when something does go wrong between women, it’s quickly reduced to being called a ‘cat fight’ or a sign that women don’t support each other.
That narrative alone creates pressure by suggesting women should always get along, always agree, always be aligned. And when we’re not, it becomes something bigger than it needs to be.
The truth is, women aren’t the problem. But the way we’ve been conditioned to operate in workplaces has created patterns that no longer serve us.
Where the competition comes from
For a long time, women were competing for a limited number of seats at the table – did someone say quotas? As businesswoman Emma Grede recently mentioned in a podcast interview with Style-ish: “There has been such a scarcity of opportunities for women in the workplace that the default notion has become ‘if she’s getting something over there, it’s taking away from me’”.
What she’s really talking about is scarcity; when there are fewer opportunities, comparison becomes inevitable. It becomes about proving yourself, standing out, and sometimes protecting your position.
But while most companies don’t talk about quotas as much anymore and as more women step into leadership, that conditioning doesn’t just magically disappear. It still shows up in how we interpret each other’s behaviour, how quickly we compare, where we withhold or protect, and how easily dynamics can be misread.
In my own career, I’ve seen this play out in ways that are often subtle, but impactful.
In the first few weeks of my very first job, working at a large corporation, I was told by a female leader I’d need to learn about AFL if I wanted to succeed. Most of the leaders were men, and the message was clear: if I wanted to progress, I needed to be able to keep up and fit into that environment.
When I showed interest in joining a ‘women in business’ group, I was discouraged from this as it would attach a certain stigma to me, like I was a woman looking for certain shortcuts or special treatment.
I’ve worked alongside women who have made small, under-the-radar comments that undermine or one-up, in ways that are hard to call out without making myself look overly sensitive.
And I’ve seen how quickly disagreement between women is labelled as bitchy, when in reality, it’s often just a difference in perspective.
What changes when women choose collaboration instead of competition
At the same time, I’ve experienced the complete opposite: collaboration.
I’ve worked with women who have backed me before I felt ready, women who have trusted me to lead and present work so I could be seen, women who have advocated for me in rooms I wasn’t in and encouraged me to go for roles I might not have considered.
The difference between those experiences is significant – not just in how it feels, but in the opportunities it creates, the confidence it builds, and the impact it has on performance as well as that individual’s career.
As more women step into leadership, the question is no longer just how we get into the room, but also, how do we show up once we’re there?
I’ve seen some successful women distance themselves from other women and avoid things like International Women’s Day. They adopt a particular style of leadership which somehow creates a subtle sense of separation.
But leadership isn’t about being the only one. It’s about creating space for others to succeed as well. It’s the whole ‘rising tide lifts all boats’ ethos. There’s room for more than one of us.
In the best teams I’ve been part of, there was never a question of who was better. The focus was on how we worked together. Strengths were clear. Roles were clear. There was a shared goal that people were genuinely energised by, and this built collaboration and support organically.
The energy in those environments is different. It’s collaborative, creative, and forward-moving.
From comparison to championing each other
Moving away from competition requires intention and it can start with small but powerful shifts, such as:
- Noticing when you’re comparing yourself to another woman and consciously redirecting your focus
- Choosing not to participate in subtle one-upping or putting others down, even when it’s framed as a joke
- Backing another woman in a room she’s not in
- Sharing opportunities rather than holding onto them
- And most importantly, sharing the things we often hold back: salary, what you charge, who you trust; the information that actually makes a difference.
It also means separating disagreement from lack of support. Not every difference of opinion is a PMS-fuelled cat fight. It’s OK to disagree with a proposed initiative without it being seen as a personal attack.
Sadly, for many women, difficult experiences with other women at work are real. But women can and do choose to break that cycle.
But workplaces have a role to play too. When diversity is treated as a quota, it reinforces the idea of the ‘us vs them’ mentality and highlights that there are limited spots available. True diversity is about recognising the different strengths and perspectives people bring, not just filling a gap as a ‘tick a box’ diversity exercise.
When multiple leadership styles are valued, collaboration becomes far more natural. We aren’t each other’s competition. And we aren’t each other’s enemy either. We’re all navigating complex workplaces, building careers, and trying to make an impact.
Cutting each other down doesn’t get us there, but backing each other does.
