If you’re a woman, the odds are stacked against you.
Research shows you’re 30 per cent more likely to face workplace bullying — and 70 per cent of the time, it’s from another woman. And yes, it hurts. Psychological studies reveal that being targeted by another woman can have an even more damaging impact on your mental health. But how do you know if it’s truly bullying or just someone being nasty?
The truth? It’s not always obvious and most people don’t really understand what female-to-female bullying looks like because it can take many forms, often subtle and hard to pinpoint. It’s what makes it hard to navigate. From classic ‘mean girl’ behaviour and exclusion tactics to slut-shaming, mobbing, trolling, and outright bullying, it can devastate your mental health and career prospects if left unchecked.
Other reasons that stop people from addressing it is that they’re too scared to talk about it, they don’t know what to do about it, and it’s considered a taboo topic. So, how do you go from feeling powerless to taking control of the situation? How do you stop the cycle before it shatters your self-esteem?
Here are 10 actionable steps to help you navigate a complex and challenging workplace situation where you might be facing bullying:
1. Identify the type of aggression
Is it psychological harassment, emotional abuse, someone being a jerk, or bullying?
Real bullying isn’t a one-off incident, it’s a pattern of behaviour that occurs repeatedly over time. Researching and recognising the signs to understand what you’re dealing with is the first step on the road to resolution.
2. Assess if you’re a target
Bullies often follow a pattern: they start with constant criticism, making you feel worthless. Then, they single you out, creating tension between you and them. Finally, they twist your words and actions, leaving you doubting yourself.
By this stage, your confidence may be crumbling, and you’re left wondering if they are right about you.
3. Find a trusted listener
Sharing your experience with someone who listens without judgement can be a game-changer. It’s normal to want to rationalise what’s happening or explain it away. Talking it out with a wise guide helps you process emotions and gain clarity on your next moves.
4. Be patient with yourself
Healing takes time. Venting is part of the process, so don’t rush it. Everyone moves at their own pace – trust that you’ll know when you’re ready to move forward.
5. Work through self-blame and betrayal
Bullying, especially from another woman, is hard to make sense of and can feel like a deeper betrayal because we don’t expect it. It’s easy to blame yourself, but this only blocks your recovery. Acknowledge your feelings and work through them to find peace.
The Sisterhood Paradox: The Psychology of Female Aggression at Work by Vanessa Vershaw.
6. Avoid the victim trap
Acknowledge what happened without letting it define you. It’s okay to feel hurt, but don’t dwell in self-pity for too long – it’s a trap that’s hard to escape. Don’t get stuck at a pity party, you’ll find it difficult to leave.
7. Reframe the experience
Step back and analyse the situation objectively, like a lawyer building a case. This perspective can help you manage the situation more effectively and regain control to end up on top.
8. Close the chapter
Once you’ve gathered the facts and processed your emotions, it’s time to shut the door on this chapter and focus on the future you want to create.
9. Speak your truth
Articulating your experience is a powerful step in your healing journey. Sharing your story with those who support you is a way to reclaim your narrative and write a new story with a much better ending.
10. Seek professional help
Consult an employment lawyer and a mental health professional. Many organisations are ill-equipped to handle bullying cases, so having legal and emotional support is crucial. By this stage, you’ll hopefully have the clarity and confidence to act. Keeping your emotions in check and knowing your legal rights will strengthen your approach.
Final thoughts
If you’re reading this, it’s likely that you or someone you know is facing aggression or bullying in the workplace. Understanding the difference between occasional unkindness and deliberate, sustained bullying is essential.
While momentary meanness can be part of human behaviour, consistently plotting, scheming, and intentionally harming someone crosses the line into a far more serious issue. Recognising these distinctions is crucial for addressing a bullying situation effectively and getting to the other side as unscathed as possible.
No matter which way you slice it, the worst thing you can do is try to go it alone. Asking for help and preparing for battle is your greatest weapon in transforming from doormat to warrior, ready to fight for the future you deserve.
