Social isolation and loneliness are as great a risk as smoking, obesity and physical inactivity on our mortality. We need to feel the safety of ‘our tribe’.
In an ideal workplace, the entire organisation functions as one tribe, united against the ‘enemy’ of the competition or the problem it exists to solve. However, particularly in larger organisations, smaller groups tend to form within the broader structure.
While it’s natural to have stronger connections with some colleagues, problems arise when those with more perceived power become an exclusive ‘in-group’, viewing others as either a threat to their ambitions or irrelevant to their goals.
So, what can you do about it? Here are some tips:
Understand your position
When you find yourself outside the in-group, start by analysing what makes you different. Are you perceived as a threat, irrelevant, or have you simply not been noticed?
Observe how the in-group operates and what they value. Consider these strategies to increase your influence:
- Demonstrate value: Understand their priorities and show how your skills, knowledge, and connections can help achieve their objectives.
- Network strategically: Build strong relationships across the organisation, positioning yourself as a valuable connector between the in-group and other important stakeholders.
- Develop skills: Focus on acquiring capabilities that will be valuable to them in the future, particularly in communication, problem-solving, and stakeholder management.
- Position strategically: Be present at key moments with valuable insights or deliverables that support their goals.
- Culturally adapt: Pay attention to their communication style, dress code, and workplace rituals. Adapting to these norms can help you align better with the group’s culture.
However, nothing is without cost. Before pursuing point five, carefully consider the following:
Why aren’t you in the ‘in group’?
Sometimes, the difference lies in genuinely valuable skills or positioning that you could develop. These capabilities can benefit your career broadly, not just in your current situation.
However, you must also recognise whether the exclusion stems from an unhealthy workplace culture that promotes internal competition and erodes psychological safety.
Shrinking Elephants by Genevieve Hawkins.
What does inclusion provide?
When you are faced with an unhealthy power dynamic, with an in-group whose behaviour is more about their own agenda than it is for the organisational good, stop and ask yourself what it truly gives you to fit into this group.
Common benefits include job security, promotion opportunities and easier project execution. While these are valid advantages, they come at a cost.
What’s the cost vs benefit?
If the personal cost is the extra effort of learning more effective communication, then it’s worth it.
However, trying to fit in by behaving contrary to your values can significantly impact your health and wellbeing. While developing new skills can be energising, constantly suppressing your authentic self requires substantial emotional energy and isn’t sustainable long-term.
Is your health and enjoyment, both now and in the future, worth the sacrifices you might need to make to fit in?
What’s the alternative?
If you determine the cost outweighs the benefits, consider these alternatives:
- Develop transferable skills: Focus on building valuable, transferable skills that will serve you regardless of your current workplace situation. Seek mentors who can guide this development.
- Build your tribe: Create meaningful connections with colleagues who share your values, focusing on authentic relationships rather than political alliances.
- Find alternative support: Identify advocates within the organisation who appreciate your potential and can support your growth without requiring you to compromise your values.
- Plan your career: Develop a strategic plan for moving to an organisation that better aligns with your values. Remember, staying in a toxic environment hoping for future rewards often leads to disappointment.
Making your decision
The need for financial stability often makes people feel trapped in uncomfortable situations. However, remember that compromising your values for organisational advancement impacts energy and ultimately health.
Instead, focus on developing genuine skills while planning your path to an environment that better aligns with your authentic self. When more people choose to prioritise healthy workplace cultures, it encourages organisations to develop stronger, values-driven leadership.
As Brené Brown wisely said: “True belonging never asks us to change who we are. True belonging requires us to be who we are.”
The most sustainable approach is to find or create an environment where you can thrive while remaining true to yourself. This might mean making strategic moves in your career, but the long-term benefits to your wellbeing and career satisfaction make it worthwhile.
Find your tribe in those who truly value who you are and you will flourish in work and life.
