Negotiation specialist Glin Bayley.
Whether you’re seeking a pay rise, buying your first home or just need your partner to do more around the house, getting better at negotiation is a life skill that will serve you well.
In this exclusive extract from her new book, The Negotiation Playbook, expert Glin Bayley reveals when you should negotiate and how to do it well.
Negotiate when you have signals that the time is right
It could be timing a conversation with your landlord about replacing the carpet when you know they are planning to increase the rent at the end of your lease, leveraging the improvement as part of the negotiation.
When we know what we want, we can remain alert to the conditions that support the timing of our conversations.
It was no surprise that, in the aftermath of the global pandemic, people took the opportunity to negotiate more favourable work-from-home agreements that might not have been possible pre-pandemic.
Negotiate when you’ve assessed the readiness of the other party
Asking your line manager to accommodate a change to your working hours at a time when they are feeling overwhelmed with a project may not be the best time.
This doesn’t mean avoiding negotiation until there is a perfect time, because there rarely ever is, but creating the appropriate conditions for them to be receptive is key.
It could be waiting for the dust to settle after a big company announcement or booking a meeting with your line manager and sending them a summary agenda for their consideration in advance.
Negotiate when the emotional climate is conducive for agreement
A busy weekend sales environment, where sales assistants are dealing with many customers all at the same time, may not be the best time for you to negotiate the different custom features you want included in your car purchase.
Perhaps a weekday environment, when there are fewer people around, would be more relaxed for the sales assistant and more conducive to a favourable outcome.
Don’t negotiate when the other party holds all the leverage
If this is the case, then build your resources and strength first or explore alternative solutions.
If the other party has all the leverage, there is no incentive for them to engage unless there is meaningful value to be exchanged. For example, if you are an employee asking for a pay rise during a period of company-wide budget cuts and redundancies, your position is significantly weaker, and the company has little reason to agree to a salary increase at that time.
Don’t negotiate when high emotions are involved
In times of high emotional stress, we need to avoid negotiating. Emotions cloud our judgement and can lead to decisions that are not in our best interests.
Also, it’s unlikely we’ll get the agreement we want when the other party is also emotionally triggered and not in a position to rationally assess the value in the deal we’re seeking to make.
In scenarios such as divorce agreements and custody agreements, we need to approach settlement negotiations when everyone is composed and calm, potentially with the help of a mediator.
Don’t negotiate when you’re lacking preparation
If you’re unprepared, postpone the negotiation until you’re ready and have all the relevant information to have a robust conversation and be able to make an informed decision.
Being calm, focused and confident can significantly impact the negotiation process and outcomes, while being stressed, anxious or distracted can impact your ability to effectively communicate and make sound decisions.
When to wait
When there is resistance or tension
We can do more harm than good if we try to move forward when the other party isn’t willing or able. If you sense tension or resistance, recognise that pushing too hard might lead to a breakdown in communication, or worse, deadlock.
Sometimes, by stepping back and giving the situation some space to breathe, you give it a better chance of a successful outcome. The key is to use patience effectively by balancing it with timely action.
Waiting too long can be perceived as indecisiveness or a lack of interest. Real strength lies in knowing when to pause and when to proceed, which comes from experience, intuition and careful observation.
When the situation is sensitive
Negotiating with family or friends can be especially delicate.
Unlike business negotiations, these discussions involve deep emotional stakes that can significantly affect your relationships.
It’s not just about finding the most convenient time or making a logical argument; it’s about choosing the right moment with care and consideration for the feelings involved.
This is an edited extract from The Negotiation Playbook: Strategies That Work and Results That Last by Glin Bayley. Known as The Value Negotiator, Glin is not just a negotiation specialist, she’s a non-executive board director, self-leadership coach, author, and speaker on a mission to help the world create more valuable agreements. Learn more at heartofhuman.com