Online dating often receives bad press but by setting clear intentions and shifting your attitude, it can lead to love.
I did this and it helped me find love. I believe it has little to do with which platform is used and everything to do with how you approach dating.
Personally, I’ve never had an issue meeting or connecting with people. I work in communications and I’m a born networker. I’ve always attended a lot of events, and have no trouble striking up a conversation.
However, when it came to meeting someone and creating a romantic connection that could lead to a relationship, something wasn’t working.
From the age of 17 to 27, I was involved with a few fellas but there was nothing long-term or concrete; no one I called “my partner”.
My attitude had always been “if it happens, it happens”. If I met someone nice at an event and it turned into something, great! If not, I was very satisfied with my life, running a business and travelling the world, and nurturing relationships with family and friends.
One day I had an epiphany. It dawned on me: I have never actually set the intention to secure a loving and long-term relationship.
I also realised that I had kept a few men waiting in the wings – relationships that had been a “thing” but never eventuated to a committed partnership. In doing this, I was holding myself back and not being open to real love entering my life.
It was time to start fresh and give dating a go with a clear intention and an open heart.
Dating with intention
Although for many years I’d fiercely opposed online dating, I discovered that making a concerted effort towards finding a partner was what I needed.
In 2014, Tinder was the hottest app on the dating scene. Controversial and still a little taboo, I wasn’t sure if this superficial world of online dating was for me. But I was committed to finding a partner and gave it a chance.
After three and a half weeks, I was off the app again. I’d met a few men, went on some dates, and ultimately found one man that I really connected with. So, I deleted the app, with the intention of focusing on and committing to a relationship.
I’m delighted to share that four and a half years since swiping right, I’m in a loving relationship with that same man. We’ve travelled the world together, moved interstate together and we love each other.
I sincerely believe that I only found this relationship after shifting my attention and setting the intention to find love.
What the dating expert says
When discussing the ever-expanding world of online dating, founder of Datelicious Karina Pamamull said having intention means being clear on what you want.
“You need to know why you’re dating. If you don’t know what you want, you’re never going to find it,” she said.
“Whether you’re looking for a long-term partner or just stepping back into the dating scene and wanting to meet new people, it’s all okay. Just be clear about why you are dating.”
Pamamull has seen dating apps get a bad rap when they are simply the conduit to meeting people. She said when used in the right format, with the right intention, they can be great.
Here are her top tips for setting intentions when dating online:
- Do the homework. Know what your non-negotiables are, pick three and be crystal clear.
- Have the important conversations. The earlier in the relationship this is done, the better. Find out if you’re on the same page for things such as marriage, children and religion. What values are you looking for?
- Keep it light and fun. That’s what dating is supposed to be.
Make your intentions clear
When joining Tinder, my intention was to meet someone that I liked and who I could enjoy spending time with. My goal was to find someone to share my life with.
I met someone who had the same intention. My partner was looking to meet someone to spend time with, to get to know and, ultimately, to share his life with.
We were both upfront and honest from the start about what we wanted from a relationship, especially in the early stages, and what we expected from the other person. After that, it’s just fun and easy.
When you’re clear on your intentions, you can easily define what you want.
So, before signing up to an app or going on a date, truly ask yourself “what is my intention?”