How to make sure your wedding ceremony isn’t lame: Shit-hot tips from a celebrant

With platforms such as Married at First Sight and social media showing people what’s possible for their own nuptials, it’s not surprising that couples are continuing to up the ante with panty-droppin’ antics.

However, as a wedding celebrant, I encourage my couples to try and not be afflicted by ‘shiny object syndrome’.

Together, we get balls-deep into who they are, what they’re into, and what makes them tick – both as individuals and as a unit.

This ensures we create a wedding ceremony that is anything but shit, and everything that reflects them and their relationship.

If you’re getting married soon, here are my top tips for tying the knot tomfoolery:

Your vendors are your friendors

This goes for all the wedding vendors you choose to bring your wildest dreams to life. And when it comes to your ceremony specifically, your celebrant can make or break it.

To quote the 2000’s prophet P!nk: they get the party started.

Choosing someone you vibe with, who gets you, who is invested in crafting and executing a ceremony that Uncle Garry will not fall asleep during, is worth their weight in gold.

Gone are the days when the ceremony is the lame formality at the start you have to ‘endure’ to start sinking piss.

If you choose the right celebrant, your ceremony can be one of the highlights of your entire wedding.

No one will expect the unexpected, right?

Apart from a couple of legal bits we have to include, your wedding ceremony is a blank canvas. So this means you can do, and not do, whatever you want.

Don’t want to hold a bouquet because you’re already carrying the weight of the world? I see your world and raise you an instrument, if you’re musical. Or a cat, if you’re a cat person.

Or, if you’re one of the rare humans who actually knows what to do with their hands at any given moment, you can just freeball it.

Do you want your ceremony to be as loose as your loose units, and your grandies to clutch their pearls? Choose a celebrant who happily lets their potty mouth fly; dropping swears and gleefully telling your crass stories. And then don’t hold back in your personal vows, too.

Again, this comes back to making sure the conductor of your ceremony is truly picking up what you’re putting down.

If this sort of style reflects your personalities, relationship and comes naturally to you, I can tell you from personal experience that an ‘unholy matrimony’ will have your guests frothing for yonks.

With them, not at them

Your nearest and dearest may not remember the content of your ceremony, but they sure will remember how it made them feel. And nothing keeps a crowd engaged more than being involved.

Here are some ways you could include your friends and family:

• Silly ice-breakers at the start that are personalised to the couple, such as a group twerk, or a Pitch Perfect acapella moment.
• Ask them to vote for who goes first to say their vows.
• Surprise witnesses. You could choose them with a raffle; a couple trivia moment, where your celebrant asks questions about you and the first two people to get them right are it; or you could hide something under two seats for those people to find.

As long as you stay true to yourselves, your ceremony will be fab.

The best wedding ceremony will be one that genuinely reflects you and your relationship. And if that means dropping a few c-bombs, then so be it.