Kim Kent: Why ‘good girl’ conditioning leads to bad money habits and shame

As women, we’re taught from the moment we can walk and talk that being ‘good’ is the goal. Good girls sit quietly. Good girls do as they’re told. Good girls follow the rules.

But no one ever talks about what it costs us to carry that label into adulthood, especially when it comes to money.

We grow up praised for being smart, obedient and responsible. And one of the biggest badges of responsibility? Budgeting. We’re told that putting every dollar in a spreadsheet, paying our bills first, and never going into debt is what makes us good with money.

But what if that ‘good girl’ budgeting behaviour is actually keeping us stuck?

Budgeting was never the problem – the pressure to be good is

When I was a child, all I wanted was to be loved and accepted. I chased my parents’ approval. I needed to be top of the class for the teachers to like me. I needed to feel worthy.

So when I was told that budgeting is the smart thing to do and I should always do as I’m told, you bet I brought my A-game.

But it was never about the budget. It was about chasing love and approval. I wasn’t aware of this as a child, nor is any child. Every child just wants to fit in to avoid shame and ridicule.

And it doesn’t just stop when we grow up.

We carry that childhood conditioning into adulthood and don’t even realise it. We’re still that little girl who wants to be ‘good’. And when the world tells us ‘good’ means tracking every cent and sacrificing fun in the name of savings, we listen.

But restriction is a trap

The problem with budgeting is that the way we were taught isn’t about alignment or freedom. It’s about control, restriction and fear. We know what happens when we restrict ourselves too hard – we snap.

Just like a diet we can’t stick to, we start sabotaging the budget. We spend it for the dopamine hit, the freedom, the fun. Then we shame spiral for ‘breaking the rules’ and convince ourselves that we’re bad with money, that we’re not disciplined enough, and that we’re not responsible enough.

The truth is, we’re not bad with money. We’re exhausted from trying to earn love through financial self-punishment.

The shame cycle is keeping women broke

Shame doesn’t teach, it punishes. And when we tie our self-worth to how well we follow the budget, money becomes an emotional minefield. We avoid looking at our bank accounts. We feel sick paying bills. We beat ourselves up every time we tap our card for something fun.

I would spend the weekend justifying my spending because I had worked hard all week, and when Monday rolled around, I was back dipping into my savings to pay for fuel and telling myself, “Okay Kim, it’s time to cut back. Stop going out. Don’t go near the shops.”

I would constantly ridicule myself and wonder what was wrong with me, and why it was so hard to stop spending and actually save.

I even blew a $62,000 inheritance when I was 24. All gone in 12 months. I thought I was smart with my strict budgeting, but I kept spending it, and then for years after, I was too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.

We celebrate women for earning more, hustling harder, and staying on top of their finances, but we ignore the emotional burnout it causes when their money story is rooted in childhood people-pleasing.

There’s a better way

What if we stopped trying to be ‘good’ with money and just started being ourselves with money? What if our budget wasn’t a set of rules to follow, but a system that supports the life we actually want?

This is what I teach in my coaching. I don’t just teach women to get out of the paycheck-to-paycheck loop, I teach them to start saving six figures, guilt-free.

They finally feel in control, even when they’re spending. Because it’s not about restriction – it’s about alignment, and clarity, and feeling safe with money, without sacrificing lifestyle.

We don’t have to earn our worth

Let me say this louder for the women in the back: Our worth is not tied to how well we budget. We don’t need to be the ‘good girl’ to be deserving of love, freedom or financial abundance.

We’re allowed to want more, we’re allowed to enjoy our money, and we’re allowed to create a life where there’s always enough.

It’s time to stop being the good girl with bad money habits. Let’s rewrite the rules.