All the green flags in Nobody Wants This, spotted by a couples therapist

There’s a reason why Nobody Wants This became a cultural phenomenon and we’ve eagerly awaited season two. As a clinical psychologist whose practice focuses on helping women find love, it’s clear to me why this show speaks to us so deeply.

Joanne, played by Kristen Bell, is so relatable because she speaks to our deepest fears in finding love. Underneath her sarcastic exterior is a fear of abandonment and rejection: What if  she opens herself up to love, only for him to realise that she is “too much” and leave? So many of us have had experiences of being ghosted immediately after being vulnerable. Heartbreak makes us question our worth.

Noah (‘The Hot Rabbi’), played by Adam Brody, captivates us because he is the type of partner so many of us have longed for. Noah is the epitome of being emotionally available: reassuring, vulnerable, reliable, and kind.

There is so much to learn from this show, including how a healthy relationship grows, and how healthy partners communicate, support, and prioritise each other.

If you’re dating and looking for love, here are the signs of a healthy partner to look out for, all spotted in Nobody Wants This:

Vulnerability

Noah clearly expresses how he feels about Joanne. He is honest, direct, and clear with his intentions. Vulnerability is a huge green flag that provides security, safety, and trust in relationships. You know where you stand and aren’t left with doubt.

Emotional attunement

Noah understands exactly what is going on underneath Joanne’s mask. When she is distant, he knows that she is scared of getting hurt. He says: “You like me too, so stop pretending that you don’t”.

A huge green flag is empathy and the ability to read emotions. We all want to feel seen, known and understood.

Self-reflective

Noah is all about growth and learning. He has realised that his past relationship lacked vulnerability, and he wants to do things differently now. He wants to build something real and lasting.

Open-minded and curious

Noah admires and respects Joanne for who she is. He likes that she is smart and appreciates that her work is meaningful.

Noah is receptive to her thoughts and ideas, and she even inspires his approach in counselling a couple. Relationship expert John Gottman calls this ‘accepting influence’, and it gives your partner a voice in the relationship.

Self-acceptance

Noah has a solid sense of self, clear values and life direction. He likes and accepts himself, and is not changing for anyone (the sports coat is staying). People who accept themselves, including their imperfections, are a joy to be with, and show this acceptance to others.

Boundaries

As Noah’s relationship with Joanne develops, he is willing to protect it. While he respects his family and friends, he makes it very clear – using healthy boundaries – that his relationship with her is his priority and insists that she is treated with respect.

Accountability

While Noah may appear to be a flawless boyfriend, let’s not forget that he still had ties to his ex-girlfriend when he met Joanne. I was reassured that this wasn’t a red flag when Noah apologised to Joanne and agreed that he should’ve been more transparent at the start. Noah knows the art of relationship repair and making amends.

Actions (and words)

It’s easy to fall for someone when they say all the right things, and when they listen and confess their feelings for you. Though, it’s true what they say: actions speak louder than words.

Noah is reaching out, initiating dates, and welcoming Joanne into his inner circle. He is consistent, reliable, and present. And just when it feels all too hard to make it work, Noah is committed to putting in effort. He makes it clear that he is prepared to do what it takes to prioritise his relationship with Joanne.

Let’s hope it stays this way for this couple.

And for the cynics out there: yes, it’s not real life. But the fact that millions of us have been glued to our screens means we all still want love like this. And perhaps Noah’s vulnerability and healthy communication will inspire us all in real life.