Christmas Day survival guide: 10 ways to get along better with your dysfunctional family

Let’s face it, Christmas gatherings can be a minefield. Throw together family members you see once a year, add strong opinions from colleagues at the work party, mix in well-meaning but nosy friends, and you’ve got a recipe for awkwardness or outright conflict.

Add cost-of-living pressures, exhaustion, and polarised views on everything from politics to parenting, and it’s no wonder Christmas communication feels harder than ever.

So, how do you get through the festive season with people who rub you the wrong way without ruining relationships or your own day?

Here are 10 tips to help you handle the people you find challenging, so you can focus on what really matters this Christmas.

1. Don’t expect people to change

Be prepared, don’t be surprised.

If Uncle Barry always makes awkward political comments, or your sister thrives on drama, don’t expect this year to be any different. The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

This isn’t about excusing hurtful or offensive comments. It’s about preparing yourself so you’re not blindsided. Expect them to do what they’ve always done and have a plan for how you’ll respond, or how you’ll let it slide.

2. Choose your response

You can’t control other people, but you can control yourself.

Decide beforehand how you want to behave – regardless of what others do – and stick to it. Don’t let someone else’s negativity ruin your day.

If someone does upset you, make a decision about whether to say something or to let it go. Saying something and getting upset is fine – if it’s a conscious choice and if you stay true to the person you want to be. There are no bad emotions, it’s how you express them that matters.

Letting it go is fine too, as long as you do just that. Don’t stew over something you’ve decided to ignore.

3. Pause before you react

When someone’s comment hits a nerve, take a moment and breathe. This pause gives you a moment to regulate yourself and think instead of reacting instinctively.

If you need more time, excuse yourself: “I need a moment to think about that,” or “I’ll get back to you on this”. Stepping away calmly — not storming off — shows maturity, keeps the drama level low, and helps you reset.

4. Don’t take it personally

Not everything is about you. Often, someone’s snide remark or bad attitude has more to do with what’s happening in their life than anything you’ve done.

Instead of taking it to heart, try empathy. Ask yourself, “what’s going on for them?” Get curious instead of furious. Ask questions, listen, and try to understand their perspective.

A little depersonalisation and empathy go a long way toward defusing tension.

5. Use ‘I’ statements

“I” statements are your secret weapon for difficult conversations. They help you express yourself without sounding confrontational.

For example, say: “I disagree,” instead of “You’re wrong.” Or “I find that comment hurtful,” instead of “You’re rude.”

The goal is to share your feelings without attacking the other person.

6. Agree to disagree

Some topics are just too divisive for a Christmas lunch debate — politics, vaccines, or religion, anyone? If you know you’re never going to agree, or the conversation is likely to get out of hand, simple say “let’s agree to disagree,” and move on.

This isn’t about avoiding tough conversations forever; it’s about choosing the right time and place for them. Hint: Christmas isn’t it.

7. Set clear boundaries

Some people can’t resist poking and prodding at topics you don’t want to discuss. Be firm but polite – also known as setting boundaries.

For example: “I appreciate your interest, but I’m not discussing my love life today”. Repeat as needed until they move on. The key is to stay consistent — don’t let them wear you down.

8. Use humour to lighten the mood

Humour is a great way to disarm awkward family conversations. If your aunt comments on your choice not to drink alcohol with “we all know what that means – wink, wink, nudge, nudge”, you could say, “we sure do – no hangover!”

Just be careful not to let humour turn into sarcasm, as it can come across as passive-aggressive.

9. Know when to be assertive

If someone crosses a line and you’re comfortable doing so, call it out calmly and assertively without attacking or shaming the other person.

For example: “That may be your opinion but other people think differently, and now is not the time to discuss it”.

10. Focus on common ground

When things start to feel tense, steer the conversation back to shared values. Remind each other why you’re there: “Today is about fun, family and connection. Let’s not get stuck on this”.

Remember, the goal is to enjoy the day, not win every argument. It’s Christmas after all.