Why modern dating isn’t working, according to relationship expert Megan Weks

Despite unprecedented access to dating apps, communication tools and social connection, many high-achieving adults report feeling more confused, burnt out and disconnected in their romantic lives than ever before.

For women in particular, especially those who are successful, intelligent, and emotionally aware, the promise that “doing everything right” will naturally lead to lasting partnership has not consistently held true.

This disconnect has become a central focus of Megan Weks’ work as a dating and relationship coach, matchmaker, and educator. Rather than framing modern dating challenges as personal failures, Weks approaches them as systemic inefficiencies – problems rooted in outdated assumptions, misunderstood psychology, and poorly designed dating structures.

Her work offers a useful lens for understanding not just why modern dating feels broken, but what it actually takes to build relationships that last.

From linear dating to strategic relational thinking

One of the core premises underlying Weks’ approach is that most people are still operating within what she describes as ‘linear dating’ – a process driven by scarcity thinking, emotional over-investment too early, and the assumption that intensity equals compatibility.

In practice, this often leads to rapid attachment, misread signals, and prolonged situationships, especially for individuals who are used to excelling through effort and performance.

Weks’ response to this pattern is The Manfunnel Method, a structured framework designed to introduce discernment, pacing, and emotional clarity into the dating process. Rather than encouraging people to “try harder” or “fix themselves”, the method reframes dating as a process of data gathering by observing behaviour over time, maintaining emotional regulation, and allowing compatibility to reveal itself gradually.

This systems-based thinking reflects Weks’ broader background. Before becoming a coach, she spent years working in recruitment, where identifying long-term fit was essential. That experience informs her emphasis on correlation over persuasion; choosing partners based on demonstrated alignment rather than potential or projection.

Psychology, neurobiology and emotional regulation

What distinguishes Weks’ work from more surface-level dating advice is its integration of psychology, neurobiology, and attachment theory. Her coaching frequently addresses concepts such as oxytocin bonding, nervous system regulation, and the ways trauma and conditioning influence romantic behaviour.

Rather than pathologising attraction patterns, she treats them as learned responses that can be understood and redirected. Terms like “performance mode”, “the exclusivity trap,” and “excited man babble” are not gimmicks but shorthand for predictable psychological dynamics that show up repeatedly in early dating stages.

This emphasis on understanding internal responses rather than managing outcomes aligns with research in attachment theory and trauma-informed practice, both of which Weks has studied extensively through formal education and mentorship. The result is an approach that prioritises self-trust, emotional safety, and conscious choice over urgency or fear of loss.

The Weks selective: A case study in intentional matchmaking

Within this broader philosophy sits The Weks Selective, a private, invitation-based matchmaking community designed for emotionally intelligent, successful singles, primarily over 40, in cities such as New York and Washington D.C.

What makes this model notable is not exclusivity for its own sake, but the way it removes several structural friction points common in modern dating, including:

• Reduced noise: By eliminating swiping and mass exposure, participants engage with a smaller, more intentional pool.
• Curated introductions: Matches are based on values, relational readiness, and behavioural alignment rather than superficial compatibility.
• Integrated support: Coaching, pre-relationship guidance, and ongoing feedback help individuals navigate early dynamics with clarity rather than guesswork.

From a systems perspective, The Weks Selective functions as a corrective to market inefficiencies, reducing choice overload, emotional burnout, and mismatched expectations. It reflects a broader trend in relationship coaching toward fewer options, deeper vetting and higher relational standards.

A broader contribution to relationship education

Over the past decade, Weks’ work has reached a wide audience through media outlets such as The New York Times, advised celebrities, therapists, and public figures, and shared stages with leading voices in personal development and relationship psychology.

Yet, the throughline in her work remains consistent: relationships are not won through force, performance, or self-abandonment. They are built through emotional literacy, self-regulation, and the ability to choose from a grounded place rather than react from fear or conditioning.

In that sense, her coaching sits at the intersection of personal development and relational education and it’s less about finding any partner, and more about becoming capable of sustaining a healthy one.

Why this matters now

As gender roles, social norms, and relationship expectations continue to evolve, many people are navigating romantic lives without a clear framework for what actually works. Megan Weks’ approach offers one possible answer: that lasting love is not about effort alone, but about understanding the systems (psychological, emotional, and structural) that shape how we connect.

Whether through coaching, education or curated matchmaking, her work highlights a growing recognition that relationships, like any complex system, benefit from intention, strategy, and emotional intelligence.

To learn more about her approach, visit meganweks.com.