8 ways to boost your confidence without buying something new

The belief that confidence can be bought, that misattribution of that feeling, keeps us stuck. We have to practise confidence outside of consumption in order to set ourselves free.

Buying my confidence was something I relied on deeply. I didn’t know confidence in my appearance outside of a new outfit or a very specific set of circumstances, and even then, it was shaky. 

Here are a few things to try to sprinkle extra confidence into your life without having to spend a cent.

1. Stand up tall

Posture and pose make such a difference – not just to the way you look, but the way you feel. We’re so conditioned to shrink ourselves and stay small, that we often hide ourselves in the way we stand.

Try standing up a little taller, especially in the mirror, and see how your perception of yourself changes.

2. Accessorise

Accessories can be a great way to boost your confidence without needing a new outfit. Accessorising prompts you to think about what vibe you want to convey with your outfit, and how you can express yourself through finishing touches to pull the outfit together.

3. Whipped cream

Speaking of finishing touches, think of whipped cream garnishing an iced latte. Taking an extra two, five or ten minutes to add whipped cream to your outfit can boost your confidence, both from the outcome and the extra intention.

4. Look at images of yourself and neutralise them

Find a photo of yourself that you want to pick apart and just sit with it. Look at it. Look at yourself. Then I want you to focus on neutral or positive observations, either about you or the photo itself. What looks good in the picture? What looks fine in the picture? Do the flaws your eyes bounce to even really matter?

Have you ever heard of the idea that your first reaction to something is your conditioned reaction and your second reaction is your true perception? Often our instant thoughts on how we look in a photo are negative because we’re seeing all of the flaws we’ve been conditioned to fixate on.

When we allow that emotional flooding to pass, and we look at the photo with a kinder, more gentle context, those flaws can fade, and we allow ourselves to see our humanness underneath.

5. Mirror affirmation

I’ve got three mirrors in my house and on all of them you’ll find a message in the top right-hand corner. One says “you are f***ing fabulous”, and the other two say “I look phenomenal today”.

Remember, confidence is all about self-perception. Write yourself a note and stick it to your mirror. For the next week, say it out loud every time you look in that mirror. You can whisper it if you need to – but make sure you say it. You’ll be surprised at how it can very gradually change the way you see yourself and the thoughts you say to yourself about how you look.

6. Overdress

I have a theory. The idea that you can be overdressed serves to keep women from taking up space, especially plus-size women. When you’re in a bigger body, feeling like you’re too dressed up for where you are can trigger feelings of vulnerability, as people often pass judgement on what it means for a bigger woman to be so visible.

Regardless of size, though, overdressing is such a myth. Sure, there are some objective clashes in clothing and context – a ballgown isn’t the most efficient outfit to wear to childcare pick-up (though I deeply endorse this level of audacity if you want to give it a try) – but daring to wear something a little fancier than you might otherwise can be a power move.

7. Create something without buying

There’s a sense of satisfaction that comes from creating an outfit from your existing wardrobe and replicating that same hit of excitement you get from buying without the dent in your bank account. 

To build your confidence outside of buying, challenge yourself to put together a new outfit each week or each month that you haven’t tried before. 

8. Ask people who care about you what you look good in

Compliments can feel icky enough, let alone when you’re asking for them, but there really is genuine value in asking people who love you what you look best in, or how they’d describe your style.  People who love you don’t see your flaws the way you do. They don’t cast their eye to your chunky knees that have plagued you since you were a teenager. They just see you for you, and when you serve an amazing outfit, they see you shining.

As you get more playful with your wardrobe, talk about it! Ask people if there’s an item of clothing they think suits you, or a colour or a shape. Share your thoughts with them, too, if they’re interested in building their confidence. 

Seeing ourselves how others see us can help us shift into a much more confident mindset.