Ashleigh Atkinson helps small business owners to climb new heights, without the burnout.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a high achiever.
I worked hard, set ambitious goals and chased success in every area of life. Excelling in school? Tick. Earning a double degree? Tick. Climbing the corporate ladder, getting engaged, building a house and growing a side hustle? Tick, tick, tick.
And with every achievement came external validation, praise from teachers, promotions from bosses, results for clients.
Then, I became a mum.
When I went on maternity leave with twins, my entire identity was shaken. For the first time in my life, I had no workload, no to-do list, no business wins and no boss telling me I was doing a good job. Motherhood didn’t come with gold stars or KPIs. No one was keeping score. And suddenly, without the constant validation of achievements, I felt lost.
That was my wake-up call. I realised my entire sense of worth had been tied to what I did, rather than who I was. And I know I’m not alone in this.
The high-achiever trap and why we tie our self-worth to work
From a young age, many of us are taught that productivity equals worth – work hard, get results, be successful.
I was always praised for achieving high grades, big wins, impressive milestones. It felt good. It became part of my identity. And when you’re constantly being told, “You’re such a hard worker” or “You always achieve amazing things”, you start to believe that’s where your value comes from.
For high achievers, success is about milestones: promotions, salary increases, client results, ticking off big projects. If we’re winning, we feel good. If we’re not, we feel like we’re failing.
But the problem with this mindset is that success always feels temporary. The minute you hit one goal, you’re chasing the next. There’s no room to rest because slowing down feels like falling behind.
As a new mum, I had to sit with the discomfort of not having external validation. And that’s when I realised, I had been measuring success the wrong way.
Redefining success and what truly matters
If success isn’t about work or wins, then what is it about?
I had to completely rethink my definition of success. If my happiness was always tied to my achievements, I’d never feel truly fulfilled, I’d always be chasing the next thing. Instead of measuring success by how much I accomplished, I started focusing on how I wanted to feel.
For me, success became about:
- Balance, not burnout.
- Connection, not competition.
- A life that felt good to live, not just one that looked good on paper.
When I let go of the idea that my worth was tied to my productivity and results, I found more freedom, joy and presence in my life and work.
How I broke free and found balance
Redefining success wasn’t just a mindset shift, it meant changing how I lived. Here are a few things that helped me break free from the high-achiever trap:
Prioritising community and connection
I surrounded myself with people who valued more than just hustle. Connecting with local entrepreneur networks and like-minded women reminded me that success isn’t just about business growth, it’s about relationships, support and shared experiences.
The 4am run club
Getting up before sunrise and moving my body became a non-negotiable. Running gave me discipline and mental clarity, but more importantly, it was something I did for me. No work, no expectations – just movement, fresh air and the rhythm of my feet on the pavement.
Ice baths and letting go of control
Yes, ice baths. They taught me how to sit with discomfort, let go of control and prove to myself that I could do hard things, even when every part of me wanted to quit. It was the perfect metaphor for stepping back from the constant need to achieve.
Creating space for things outside of work
I realised that I needed time for me, time for movement, time to connect with people outside of work and time to just be without feeling guilty for not being productive.
Practical steps for other high achievers
If you’re feeling stuck in the high-achiever trap, here are some steps to help you redefine success on your own terms:
1. Reframe success
Success isn’t just about external validation or checking off a to-do list. Ask yourself: What actually makes me feel fulfilled? If you don’t know, explore it. Your version of success should be personal, not prescribed.
2. Prioritise wellbeing
Make time for things that nourish you. Whether it’s running, journalling, spending time with loved ones, or simply resting. Your best work (and best life) happens when you’re not running on empty.
3. Let go of guilt
Resting or slowing down doesn’t mean you’re failing. Ask yourself: In what aspects of my life have I been guilting myself for not “doing enough”? Then remind yourself, you are enough.
4. Create space for yourself
A successful life isn’t just about achieving more; it’s about creating a life that feels good to live. What small changes can you make today to create more mental, emotional, and physical space for you?
The freedom of letting go
The most successful people aren’t the busiest or the ones with the longest list of achievements. They’re the ones who know when to step back, recharge, and build a life that actually makes them happy.
I used to think success was all about doing more. Now, I know it’s about feeling fulfilled, making space for what truly matters, and understanding that my worth isn’t tied to my workload or wins.
So here’s my challenge to you: Redefine success on your terms. Chase fulfillment, not just achievements. And most importantly, know that you are enough, with or without the gold stars.
