These are the mistakes women make when asking for a pay rise – and how to avoid them

Asking for a pay rise or promotion can stir up a lot of discomfort. It’s why so many people just accept whatever they’re given and tell themselves that if they keep working hard, eventually they’ll be rewarded.

Unfortunately, that’s not always how it works. In this scenario, the organisation continues to reap the rewards of your hard work while your enthusiasm slowly fades into frustration. This doesn’t benefit anyone in the long term — it leaves you undervalued and the organisation misses out on your full potential.

To help you avoid making the most common mistakes, you first need to be aware of them — because you can’t change what you can’t see.

Mistake 1: Fearing diminishing your value

One of the biggest obstacles when asking for a raise is the fear of diminishing your value.

We all want to feel valued, and this fear can show up in different ways — worrying about saying the wrong thing, appearing too demanding, or not knowing enough about the market value for your role. These fears often lead to hesitation or avoidance altogether.

The first thing to understand is that your intrinsic value — your inherent worth as a person — is never on the table. What’s up for negotiation is your extrinsic value — the measurable impact you have on the business.

When you walk into a conversation knowing the difference, you can negotiate confidently. Focus on articulating the value you add, the contributions you’ve made, and the ways you’re making an impact.

When you do this, it becomes less about proving your worth and more about discussing the value exchange.

Mistake 2: Waiting until after you’ve delivered all the value

Many people wait until after they’ve completed a big project or delivered great results to ask for a pay rise or promotion. While it might seem logical to do this, you’ve often missed the opportunity by waiting until the value is already delivered.

Have the conversation early, when you still have leverage. During the planning phase of a project, speak to your manager about what you’d like in return if the project is successful.

This makes the discussion more of a value exchange — you’re aligning on expectations upfront, and both parties know what’s on the table. It’s far more powerful to negotiate while you’re still creating value, rather than after it’s already been banked by the company.

Mistake 3: Assuming hard work speaks for itself

Many people think that if they just work hard, they’ll get noticed. But in busy workplaces, even major achievements can be overlooked if they aren’t highlighted.

Advocate for yourself and leverage social proof. Track and share your achievements — like revenue growth, improved processes, or team success — regularly. Endorsements from colleagues or stakeholders reinforce your value and make it harder for your contributions to be ignored.

Social proof adds credibility and helps you stay visible and valued. Don’t just hope they notice — be proactive in communicating your impact and getting others to sponsor you.

Mistake 4: Falling into justification mode

If you find yourself justifying why you deserve a raise, you’re already on the back foot.

Justification is often a signal that you’re trying to convince, and this puts you in a weaker position. It also indicates that you haven’t properly set the stage for the conversation.

Set the tone by leading with shared value. Instead of justifying why you deserve a pay rise, anchor the conversation around what you’ve accomplished and how it aligns with the company’s goals. For example, highlight how your work has solved a problem, driven growth, or contributed to a strategic objective.

When you frame the conversation around shared outcomes, you establish yourself as a value creator, not someone trying to “convince” the other party. It’s about aligning on value, not defending your position.

Mistake 5: Poor timing and lack of preparation

Timing matters. Asking for a raise at the wrong time — like during company cuts, or when your boss is visibly stressed — can severely hurt your chances. Not being prepared for the conversation can also mean you miss the chance to position yourself strongly.

Choose your moment wisely and prepare strategically. Understand the company’s situation — if the business is thriving and your boss is in a positive mindset, it’s the right time to make your ask. Timing it after a major milestone also increases your chances of success.

Plant the seed early by aligning your goals with the company’s needs, so that when you ask, it feels natural. Preparation is key — be clear about what you want and identify what’s easy for them to give that’s of high value to you.

Being open to alternatives, like flexible working, professional development, or a clear path to promotion, shows flexibility and strengthens your position.

Bottom line

Take control of your growth — don’t wait for recognition to arrive.

When you approach these conversations with a strong sense of self, anchored in value, you’re far more likely to influence the outcome in your favour and build the career you want.