Whether it’s just two to three close pals or a big group, every woman needs a solid group of girl friends.
It may sound dramatic, but I think having a few people in your life you can lean on who aren’t your family or friends is absolutely essential to survive.
So, what happens when you land a solid group of friends, everything is perfect, you have a group chat and check in with either other, you go out to lunch, you’re planning a girls trip to Vegas next year — but, you have a gossiper in the group?
Let’s call our gossiper Samantha. You like Samantha, she’s nice, she has a cute dog and she’s fun, but she just happens to love talking smack about other people.
You feel awkward not joining in on the gossiping, but you’re always left feeling a little icky when you do.
Of course, you could just try to ignore that bad feeling and go along with the gossiping. But here are 5 reasons you shouldn’t:
1. Samantha probably talks about you too
Think about it. If Samantha always comes to you with the latest news about what’s going on in Ashley’s life, she’s probably letting Ashley know what’s going on in your life, too. And if you wanted Ashley to know that you and Tom decided to get back together, Ashley would hear this information directly from you — wouldn’t she?
A gossiper is a gossiper. Not just to you, but to everyone else. If Samantha is telling you everyone else’s business, then she’s more than likely telling everyone else your business.
2. Samantha is disloyal
Yes, Samantha, I called you the D word. People show us how they will treat us when they show us how they treat others. By being disloyal to all of her other friends and telling you all of their secrets, Samantha has proven she’s a disloyal person.
Let’s say Samantha values your friendship a little bit more than she does Ashley’s and she would never gossip about you to Ashley. To me, it doesn’t matter. Samantha has already proven her disloyalty and her lack of respect for her friends and their personal and private information.
And who knows? Just because Samantha has never gossiped about you to other people doesn’t mean she won’t air your dirty laundry on social media if you ever reach a rocky road and fall on bad terms. That’s definitely something to think about.
3. Negativity follows drama
Nothing good ever comes from drama. It always ends with someone’s feelings getting hurt, a broken relationship, a physical altercation or worse.
To me, drama is a waste of time and energy. Like girl, I don’t want to meet with you to discuss whose husband is cheating on who, or who got fired from which job. How about we discuss a business plan and make these coins, sis?
4. You need to protect your energy
Your energy can become contaminated from the problems of others. Whether intentional or not, sitting down all day every day and dealing with everyone else’s drama, problems and issues will eventually affect you.
Shut Samantha down and protect your energy, space, and mental health. You gain absolutely nothing from gossiping. You don’t get paid, you don’t get a new job or car, you just get negative energy points added to your scoreboard.
5. You will eventually become Samantha
Yup, this is how it usually starts. Samantha probably became a gossiper because someone close to her was a gossiper. It’s only natural to become what we surround ourselves with. If you don’t want to be the Samantha in your circle, that’s something to definitely think about.
Oh, and if there’s one place you definitely don’t want to get involved in gossiping, it’s in the office. It just brings a toxic energy to the office and makes you look unprofessional and untrustworthy.
The good news is, even if you have a Samantha in your group, you don’t necessarily have to jump straight to cutting ties with her. Instead, why not have a chit chat with Samantha and let her know that the way she’s acting isn’t cool? As women, it’s so important for us to stick together and support one another — not tear each other down! When friends tell us information in confidence, let’s make an effort to keep it confidential.
This article was written by Lee Thompson and originally published on A Girl In Progress.