How to face life’s plot twists with resilience, according to a therapist

Life often presents us with unexpected challenges that we never saw coming. As a therapist, author, and podcaster, I’ve had the privilege of hearing countless stories about resilience and survival.

Through my work, both personal and professional, I’ve seen firsthand how hard life can get – how the ground can suddenly shift beneath our feet, forcing us to navigate unimaginable changes.

I want to share how you can face life’s plot twists, even when the path ahead feels uncertain. If you’re going through one of those tough moments now, I hope this will offer you some tools to help regain your footing.

My own plot twist

I was 21 when my world changed. One morning, I received a phone call that would divide my life into ‘before’ and ‘after’.

My mum had become unconscious overnight and was in emergency care. The days that followed were some of the hardest I’ve ever faced, culminating in the gut-wrenching decision to turn off her life support. That moment shattered my family – my dad, my brother, and me. And that was just the beginning.

In the years that followed, I experienced loss after loss, with the deaths of all the older members of my family and the sudden end of a long-term relationship.

Grief, in all its forms, is something we have to learn to live with. It doesn’t disappear overnight; it lingers, often silently. It’s physical as much as it is emotional. And although time may soften the edges, we never fully let go of it. It becomes part of our story. However, over time, we find that we can carry it without letting it trip us up.

The power of acceptance

During those tough years, I learned one key lesson: sometimes, all we need to do is acknowledge how hard things are. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or even numb. Those feelings are valid, and they need to be felt in order for us to process our experiences.

Life is a series of chapters, and plot twists are inevitable. They might come in the form of sudden tragedy, the loss of a relationship, or chronic illness. But there is something we all have to recognise: these plot twists don’t mean the story is over. They’re simply detours in our journey.

Although my losses seemed insurmountable at times, I kept moving forward. I finished my psychology degree, started working, and rebuilt my life. The grief was still there, but it became less dominating. It was no longer the focal point of my life, though it remained an important part of who I had become.

When life feels out of control

We live in a world that often feels out of our control. The cost of living is rising, and stress levels are high. On top of that, we have to navigate grief, illness, and the complexities of our personal relationships.

When the world feels like it’s conspiring against us, our instinct might be to retreat. We stop responding to texts, avoid our responsibilities, and disconnect from the world. But it’s in those moments that we need to remind ourselves that we still have some control – over our actions, our thoughts, and our energy.

Energy management

One of the things that can help us navigate life’s twists and turns is learning to manage our energy. We can’t give what we don’t have, so it’s essential to identify who and what drains us. Sometimes that means setting boundaries with people who sap our strength, or walking away from friendships that no longer serve us.

In my own life, after my mum passed, I had to distance myself from people who made their grief my problem. I had to take care of myself, and that meant learning to say no to things that didn’t fill my cup. The power of saying no can be transformative, helping us to preserve our energy for the things that really matter.

Shifting the narrative

Another powerful tool is reworking the story we tell ourselves. When we focus only on our suffering, we reinforce feelings of helplessness and despair.

Instead, we need to change the narrative. Consider the story of Layne Beachley, a seven-time world champion surfer who faced immense personal loss at a young age. Despite losing her mother, stepmother, and birth mother to illness, she told herself she was a champion and that became her reality.

The story we tell ourselves has a direct effect on how we feel about our circumstances.

The pillars of wellbeing

There are three pillars that form the foundation of our wellbeing: movement, nutrition, and sleep.

Without these, everything else becomes harder. Moving our bodies releases endorphins that help us feel better, even on our darkest days. Eating nutritious foods and staying hydrated provides our body with the fuel it needs to function properly, and sleep allows our minds and bodies to recover.

When I’m not moving enough, I notice an increase in anxiety. Realising that I needed a change, I found a way to move my body at home that worked for me, like running on a treadmill while watching my favorite reality shows. This small shift helped improve my mood, sleep, and overall health.

You don’t need to run a marathon to feel better; even a few steps or some light stretching can make a big difference.

Facing your own plot twists

Plot twists are inevitable, but we are built to survive them. Sometimes the steps are small like saying no to an energy vampire, changing the story you tell yourself, or taking a few extra steps each day. By making these small shifts, we can move from merely surviving to thriving.

As we navigate life’s ups and downs, remember that this is just one chapter in your story. It may feel overwhelming right now, but it will come to an end, and a new chapter will begin.

When that happens, ask yourself: What do you want that next chapter to look like? You have the power to shape it.