Therapist Jana Firestone on living with trauma and grief: SHE DEFINED podcast S1 Ep1

In a moving episode of the SHE DEFINED podcast, therapist and author Jana Firestone delves into the complexities of trauma and grief, offering wisdom on navigating life’s most difficult experiences.

Firestone has spent the past 17 years working in the area of grief and trauma. After losing her mother suddenly at the age of 21, she was confronted with a tragedy that put her on a path to transformation – and this is something she shares in the podcast discussion.

Drawing from her professional expertise and personal encounters, Firestone provides insight into how people can process pain, heal, and ultimately move forward.

Understanding trauma and its lasting impact

Firestone explained that trauma can exist in various forms.

“We’ve got the big traumas and the little traumas,” she said.

“The ‘big T’ traumas are those ones like sexual abuse and physical abuse and emotional abuse. Those are huge, huge events in people’s lives and take a very long time to overcome. And then there are the ‘little T’ traumas.”

Examples of little T traumas can include the way in which smaller experiences can manifest as lasting impacts that are difficult to process and deal with. This can include complex trauma and vicarious trauma.

“It’s essentially a distressing experience that overcomes our ability to process it and to deal with it and to cope,” Firestone said.

If someone is not processing trauma, it can manifest in negative ways.

“There’s all this research that shows if you have unprocessed trauma that you haven’t dealt with, you have a much higher risk of significant physical symptoms and health events. Cardiac risk is increased quite significantly. Cancer risk, all kinds of things. As that famous line goes: the body does keep score. And we can’t actually hide from it. So it affects the way we think, the way we behave, the way that we feel. And that will come out differently for everybody,” she said.

The grief journey: A non-linear process

After losing her mother at a young age. Firestone has learned a lot about grief.

“I think it’s taught me that it’s not something you just get over. And I remember early on, after losing mum… my boyfriend at the time said to me: when are you going to get over this? But I think there was that kind of underlying thought, like, at what point do I get over this? How am I ever going to get over this? And so I think it’s important to remember it’s never over,” she said.

“We don’t ever get over it, but we learn to live with it. And we can still continue to have a happy and successful and joyful life at the same time as missing and longing for the person that we’ve lost.”

Firestone reiterated that the grieving process is different for everyone, and often depends on whether they have been through grief before and developed coping strategies or built resilience to it.

Importantly, Firestone said we should allow ourselves the permission to grieve.

“What we need to understand is that we integrate that loss into our lives, and it always comes along with us,” she said.

Navigating turbulent times

In the episode, Firestone also shares tips for navigating turbulent times or life’s ‘curveballs’.

“I think it (a curveball) is anything that throws us off our course. And I think whether we consciously accept this or not, we all kind of have an idea of the path that we’re on and maybe the direction that we’re going, and then something will happen, inevitably, to all of us at some point where we’re thrown off course,” she said.

Life’s plot twists are often something unexpected or something we’re unprepared for or don’t have the resilience to manage.

“So often these things happen without us having any idea that they’re coming,” Firestone said.

“But I think the important thing is not to be afraid of it because it is a universal experience, much like grief. We are all going to experience these plot twists in life, and I guess it’s just about looking at the ways that we can move through them rather than getting stuck in them.”

This podcast episode of SHE DEFINED serves as a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone navigating trauma and grief. Firestone’s expertise and empathy provide reassurance that while the journey may be challenging, healing is always possible.

Listen to the podcast episode on Apple, Spotify and YouTube.